Life.

The time has passed, but the ache remains. I thought by now, I’d be free of it, that I’d have found a way to carry on without the weight of what’s gone. But it lingers, just beneath the surface, like a shadow that follows me wherever I go. I tell myself I’ve accepted it, that I’ve made peace with the loss. But some days, it feels like I’m only pretending. I’ve tried to move forward, to find a way to be okay again. But every step feels heavy, like I’m walking through a fog I can’t escape. There are moments when the world feels too bright, too loud, and I just want to retreat into the quiet, where I can let the sadness wash over me without having to explain why I’m still not okay. People tell me it gets better with time, that the pain dulls and life moves on. Maybe they’re right, and maybe one day I’ll wake up and find that the hurt has faded. But right now, it feels like I’m stuck between who I was and who I’m supposed to become, unsure of how to close the gap. I want to let go. I want ...

If only you knew. If only you knew how my hands trembled when no one was watching. How I stayed up late, staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment in my mind, wondering if I did the right thing. If only you knew about the doubts that whispered in my ear, telling me I wasn't enough, that I wasn't as strong as I pretended to be. I kept my smile in place, my voice steady, because that's what you needed to see. But behind closed doors, when no one was around, I fell apart. The tears I held back all day would spill out, and I'd let myself feel everything I'd been holding in. If only you knew how much it took to keep going, to keep pretending that I was okay when all I wanted to do was hide. You saw the calm, the composure, the smile that never wavered. But you didn't see the cracks, the moments when I doubted myself, the times when I wondered how much longer I could keep it all together. I made it look easy because that's what everyone needed to see. But ins...

I wasted a good chunk of my life not living it because I had to consider other people. How they feel, how I look to them, how the things that I do can possibly affect them. I missed out on a lot of things because I had to consider what others would think. Then life rained on me and when I looked around, I was alone. I missed the train and there was no one to accompany me as I tried to find my way home. It's funny how in a world of billions, in a way, you're really all that you got.  Don't live your life for other people. Do things that you've always wanted and forget the second thoughts. Live for the nights you'll fall asleep with a smile on your face, reliving the events of the day; dress up so you'd impress yourself when you look at the mirror. Gamble for the moments you think would turn into great memories.  One day, you'd look back and thank yourself for the risks you took, for the lessons learned, for the adventures.

I am finally removing myself from situations where I feel like I am not valued or treated well. I am now walking away from people who bring chaos into my mind or anyone who causes me too much pain. I am creating a border line between me and those who only give me emotional distress. I am also setting boundaries for being so kind or considerate to people. I am so sick of being taken for granted. And I am so exhausted from the abuse that I receive from people who keep hurting me or letting me down over and over again just because they know that I am very forgiving. This is my era of respecting myself and focusing on my well-being. I've already had enough of people treating me poorly and taking advantage of the kindness that I offer them genuinely. I am done believing that if I plant love, kindness, and compassion in people, it will also yield good results, and they will grow the same as what I planted. But I've seen so many ungrateful people, and I refuse to spend my life tolerat...

 It's sad how pain can slowly change someone. It can turn a very forgiving and loving person into a heartless one.  It's sad when a gentle soul will be forced to care less or end up not showing any love and kindness because he has been hurt a lot. Sometimes, when somebody feels too much pain in his chest, it pushes him to change his behavior around those who hurt him. It pushes him to guard his heart better, it gives him a reason to be a different person, and it forces him not to trust anyone again.  It can also change the way he sees life, knowing that he didn't deserve everything that he had suffered. Pain is temporary, but once you get the taste of it, the fear of getting hurt even more or the fear of experiencing it over and over again will be constant. Pain can turn people into a stronger version of themselves, but it doesn't happen in an instant, and it also doesn't happen to everyone. There is this kind of pain that can literally ruin someone's life. Whil...

 Meeting the wrong person at the wrong time is a myth. Because every person that we meet, they are either a blessing or a lesson. Either way, they were the right person at the right time.  Maybe they are the right person for us to raise our standards for us to know our boundaries or non-Negotiables.  Maybe they were the right person to leave us for us to know that we can stand in our feet.  Maybe they were the right person to break us so that we can build ourselves up on our own.  Maybe they were the right person but for a different reason than we expected.  ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT LIFE DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE PEOPLE YOU WANT BUT IT GIVES YOU THE PEOPLE YOU NEED. <3